Weird Amazon Reviews – AudioQuest K2 Terminated Speaker Cable


Amazon_com__AudioQuest_K2_Terminated_Speaker_Cable_-_UST_2_44_m_Plugs_8__Pair__Discontinued_by_Manufacturer___ElectronicsWhat do you do when faced with a speaker cable on Amazon that costs $13,000

Easy, you simply give it a review … however not a normal review, but rather one that completely takes the piss out of such an absurd price.

So looking though the list, there are indeed a few gems such as …

If there is one cable I would whole-heartedly trust to my Chimera-hunting needs, this would be the cable. No other cable has the tensile strength to properly and efficiently garrote a lycanthrope, asphyxiate an Esquilax or even gag a mermaid. Last week, using my trusty AudioQuest K2 (retrofitted with lead weights, bright orange latex paint and a generous coating of crushed glass stolen from the window of an abandoned church at midnight), I managed to snuff 3 golden unicorns in swift succession!

Pros: Quickly tears through scales, fur, bone, and adamantium with ease
Coils and uncoils from hip holster (optional) quickly and quietly
For a product fabricated from 1,000 Onyx Dragon fetuses, the price is unbelievably reasonable!

Cons: Shipping from the R’lyeh took far too long
Doesn’t come in 10′ lengths (which would be perfect for hydra, cerberii and other multi-headed creatures)
After every use, I can feel 6 ounces of my soul slipping from my core into the ether. But this may be due to the fact that I prefer to work without gloves. YMMV.

Overall, I would recommend that any hunter buy one, nay, two, of these immediately, and experience the difference that upgrading to the K2 will make in your next quest!

Or this …

My cats chewed on this cable and now they can both speak. One of them is gay and the other wants to kill me. I would have rather not known.

Or even this …

Even when I buffered the lightning down to a few thousand volts, these cables burned out before revivification could take place. Worse, while wasting time with these the body began to putrify; now I have to go out and dig up fresh materials and spend all that time stitching them together again.

However, the winner just has to be this one

We live underground. We speak with our hands. We wear the earplugs all our lives.

PLEASE! You must listen! We cannot maintain the link for long… I will type as fast as I can.

DO NOT USE THE CABLES!

We were fools, fools to develop such a thing! Sound was never meant to be this clear, this pure, this… accurate. For a few short days, we marveled. Then the… whispers… began.

Were they Aramaic? Hyperborean? Some even more ancient tongue, first spoken by elder races under the red light of dying suns far from here? We do not know, but somehow, slowly… we began to UNDERSTAND.

No, no, please! I don’t want to remember! YOU WILL NOT MAKE ME REMEMBER! I saw brave men claw their own eyes out… oh, god, the screaming… the mobs of feral children feasting on corpses, the shadows MOVING, the fires burning in the air! The CHANTING!

WHY CAN’T I FORGET THE WORDS???

We live underground. We speak with our hands. We wear the earplugs all our lives.

Do not use the cables!

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