If you wanted to construct a parody or satire of today’s “Christian Prophets”, then you need look no further than supposed prophet Robin Bullock. His religious cosplay is often so deeply absurd and silly that any attempt to work out what is satire and what is him being sincere is almost impossible to differentiate.
Here is this week’s example.
Robin Bullock declares that Will Smith Fulfilled God’s plan at the Oscars
I could just quote him, but some might doubt that he actually said it. To erase all such doubts, here via Hemant is Poundland Boromir proclaiming that when Will Smith delivered that now infamous and much-debated slap, it was all part of God’s plan …
Here is a transcript of what he claimed within the extract …
…and then the final prophecy about the slap was, “you who file petitions and try to make my prophets apologize, you are like Zedekiah who slapped Micaiah across the mouth” … he said when you go into your inner chamber, you will see it, and that night everyone went home, watched those Oscars, and saw it …
… Then he talks about this, you will, will, see it, and it was a man named Will who did it. Folks, what you just saw, the slap heard around the world, was harvest coming …
This makes absolutely no sense at all. But hey, this is Robin, so what exactly did you expect?
In the Bible Zedekiah was a false prophet who, when faced with the words of a real prophet, Micaiah, responds by slapping him. It is actually quite a weird story about God sending a false prophet to trick a King into going into war and getting killed.
Yes indeed, the supposed creator of the universe, as described in the Bible, endorsed and practiced deliberate deceit …
15 When he arrived, the king asked him, “Micaiah, shall we go to war against Ramoth Gilead, or not?”
“Attack and be victorious,” he answered, “for the Lord will give it into the king’s hand.”
16 The king said to him, “How many times must I make you swear to tell me nothing but the truth in the name of the Lord?”
17 Then Micaiah answered, “I saw all Israel scattered on the hills like sheep without a shepherd, and the Lord said, ‘These people have no master. Let each one go home in peace.’”
18 The king of Israel said to Jehoshaphat, “Didn’t I tell you that he never prophesies anything good about me, but only bad?”
19 Micaiah continued, “Therefore hear the word of the Lord: I saw the Lordsitting on his throne with all the multitudes of heaven standing around him on his right and on his left. 20 And the Lord said, ‘Who will entice Ahab into attacking Ramoth Gilead and going to his death there?’
“One suggested this, and another that. 21 Finally, a spirit came forward, stood before the Lord and said, ‘I will entice him.’
22 “‘By what means?’ the Lord asked.
“‘I will go out and be a deceiving spirit in the mouths of all his prophets,’ he said.
“‘You will succeed in enticing him,’ said the Lord. ‘Go and do it.’
23 “So now the Lord has put a deceiving spirit in the mouths of all these prophets of yours. The Lord has decreed disaster for you.”
24 Then Zedekiah son of Kenaanah went up and slapped Micaiah in the face. “Which way did the spirit from the Lord go when he went from me to speak to you?” he asked.
25 Micaiah replied, “You will find out on the day you go to hide in an inner room.”NIV – 1 Kings 22:5-25
If we are to take Robin seriously, then the essence of his attempt to piggyback on the Oscars slap by applying thee above bible story is this claim …
- Chris Rock is apparently the true prophet of God, and so his Joke about Jada was God speaking truth to power.
- Will Smith takes up the role of the false prophet who is supposedly pissed about no longer being a prophet, and delivers the slap
- I have honestly no idea who the King is supposed to be or how the Oscars slap is supposed to start a war that gets the king slaughtered.
Well, I did warn you that this was nonsense.
All Robin did was google “bible” + “slap”, got a hit, and thought, yep, I’ll use that.
But wait, Robin has “proof”, Will Smith is called “Will”, so it just must be true.
Do you know what might have been a tad interesting?
If Robin had successfully predicted anything ever, then that would indeed be interesting.
How do the “prophets” operate?
There are several strategies. Here is a quick primer on some of the most common
Option 1: toss out lots of stuff, then when you get a hit, you declare a win and hope nobody remembers all the failures.
Option 2: issue very vague stuff, then when something similar happens, use a verbal crowbar to claim that this is what you predicted.
Option 3: when something is clearly highly probable, declare that it has been ordained by God. When that then happens, proclaim your win. This is how he predicted the Trump 2020 election win. That was a very public failure for Robin and many other self-appointed “prophets”.
Option 4: when something happens, declare that you predicted this in a prophecy … except of course you did no such thing, you simply make the claim that you did. Perhaps get a buddy to pop up and lie, “Yep, he totally predicted that”.
What you gain from all of this is an ego trip, followers, and of course donations.
In other words, the Prophets are really all about Profit$.
Are people stupid enough or gullible enough to fall for all of this?
Well yes, you know the answer.
Using religion as a get-rick-scam is not new. Back in 1517 a priest by the name of Martin Luther was rather ticked off that people were being sold letters of indulgence that supposedly gave them forgiveness. Horrified by such corruption he drafted up his Ninety-five Theses, sent it off to the bishop and also posted it on the Wittenberg church door for all to read. What followed, as the saying goes, is history.