Intelligent Gestation

This is hilarious … Erik Lumberjack has crafted a wonderful bit of “Intelligent Design” satire … enjoy …

Open Letter to Kansas School Board
Thank you for teaching Intelligent Design alongside the Theory of Evolution. Our children deserve to hear multiple viewpoints.

I’m concerned, though, that only one Theory of Pregnancy is currently being taught.

Namely, that humans develop in gradual stages from an initial sperm and egg. First looking like a salmon, and then a lizard, and only after long and slow development finally resembling a human.

As founder and chief scientist of the Intelligent Gestation Institute, I request that equal time be given to Intelligent Gestation, an alternative approach that is gaining increasing support within the scientific community.

These are key points regarding Intelligent Gestation for your reference.

Frequently Asked Questions

Question: Then why does the mother’s stomach get bigger?
Answer: Scientific studies have shown that it’s impossible for human breasts alone to hold the amount of milk required to nurture infants. That’s why the body gradually prepares by storing milk in the mothers’ stomach. Scientific evidence of this can be seen by observing cows.

Question: But sonograms show pictures of developing infants, don’t they?
Answer: Experiments have shown that ultrasound equipment creates sound waves that cause milk to curdle. So medical staff are creating these images, and then the very same staff are interpreting the images that they themselves created. This can hardly be called scientific.

Question: Then where do babies come from?
Answer: Let’s not base conclusions on anecdotes, but look at the case for which we have the most recorded evidence. When the key figure of human history was born, textual research has shown that he was begotten as son when a dove descended from the heavens. More than 2,000 original texts agree on this point, many of them dating back to several years from the original event, when eye witnesses were still living. In addition to this, the past 2,000 years of historical observation have also taught us where babies come from. The stork — which the genome project has just recently proven to be of the same ovarian family, genus and phyla as the dove. The probability of this coincidence occurring by chance alone has been calculated at less than 1 over a number so large that it is greater than the number of subatomic particles in the entire state of Arkansas.

Question: Is Intelligent Gestation faith based?
Answer: No. Unlike the Theory of Pregnancy, it is based on observable and testable scientific fact.

Please contact us if you would like more details, or free samples of the textbooks that we are preparing for your school use.

Thank you, and best regards,

Erik Lumberjack
Founder and Chief Scientist
Intelligent Gestation Institute

You can go visit the Intelligent Gestation institute for more of the same here

Eric posted on a forum …

I just posted on a Creationism related page too just now.
I stayed awake all night in a semi-crazed frenzy to write and re-write it until 7am and then I posted on Richard Dawkin’s website’s discussion page and pressed “Post” and was holding my breath waiting for his applause and “Well done old chap” and my post was thrown by the moderators into the rubbish bin. It didn’t even make the discussion page. I was totally crushed. Then I posted it on another site and it was deleted after about six
minutes. So I sent it to my relatives and they said “Yes dear, that’s, umm, nice…”
I was so depressed!
I added the website to some External Links on some Wikipedia pages, so hopefully it’ll take root somehow!

In reply … Eric, worry not, some might be “Satire Challenged”, but personally, you get all my applause, I just love it. The deployment of wit as a weapon is the very best form of criticism.

Hilarious Update: PZ also posted it on his blog here … the 3rd commenter thought it was real …

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