Building a wall in the English Channel

For today’s posting we have news of a GoFundMe campaign focused on building a wall in the English Channel.

Yes, somebody really has started a GoFundMe page to get cash to build a wall right in the middle of the English Channel to keep all those foreign immigrants out. I’m really not kidding …

I have questions.

The first is to perhaps wonder how much he wants to get, and to perhaps ask ourselves if anybody has contributed.

When faced with the idea of building such a wall, he has seriously considered this and concluded, “Yep, about £10K ought to nail it” and so he is seeking to raise £10K to complete his wall.

So far, checking right now Aug 14, he has raised …

Who has donated to this?

We don’t really know because you can of course type in any name

What exactly is he proposing to build?

His GoFundMe explains …

My name is Simon Harris, and I am a concerned and proud British citizen.

In the last week or so, we have seen an unprecedented number of vessels crossing the English Channel, and it is clear that our border force needs help.

I have created a basic design for the border in the attached image, and I am proposing a border wall similar to what you would normally find in a swimming pool separating the lanes – except that this will be made out of a better quality plastic that is covered in a special adhesive that makes boats stick to it. Something like Bostik but a lot stronger.

I would probably need to hire a couple of hovercrafts to get it installed. This has been factored into the cost.

In the event that an illegal vessel comes into contact with it, it would remain stuck in place until the French navy arrives to rescue them, and if enough boats get stuck to it in one go, the whole thing could simply be towed back to the French coast.

I know that you are all asking the same question – what happens to all of the legitimate boats trying to cross the sea?

My solution would be a special gap in the middle of the border that can be opened and closed by a border guard on duty, something like you get outside a nightclub where the bouncer unclips it to allow people in before closing it again.

I have calculated that I will need £10,000 for the proposed stretch of the sea, but any excess funds will be used to make the border even longer reaching along to the Solent

Yep … glue.

Reactions to the GoFundMe for Building the Wall ?

You can guess of course. Here are a few samples …

The Reveal

Is this for real or is it a spoof?

The GoFundMe page is quite real, and so are the donations, people really are contributing cash.

However … (Oh come now, you can see this one coming) … if you click “Read More” on that page, then this comes up …

LEGAL NOTE: In the event that this project runs into difficulties during the research and development stage, funds will be donated to a local project providing hot meals and activities to children from vulnerable families during the Summer Holidays in Essex. This is being organised by the guys at The Prince Of Wales pub in Stow Maries, and local volunteers are even providing transport for children to and from the site to ensure that nobody in the area goes hungry.

In other words, no he is not really collection cash to build a wall. he is simply collecting for a local charity and is doing so in a manner that is designed to attract attention and so pull in donations.

Are you sure?

Yes, I’m sure.

Simon Harris is a well-known prankster and has done stuff like this before. For example he ran a GoFundMe to help save The Sun Newspaper. This was in response to the news that they were running at a loss last April …

There he proposed to use the money raised as follows …

I will take every penny that is donated to this fundraising campaign and every day I will use it to buy copies of The Sun from my local store, and then deliver them absolutely free of charge to homes in my local area in South Essex. If other people follow my lead and set up their own fundraising campaigns, we could send their circulation through the roof in a matter of days!

But click “Read More” and he explains …

IMPORTANT NOTE: During the lockdown, it’s taking ages to get my kids to bed every night, and usually by the time they have settled down my local Sainsbury’s is closed. If this happens on any particular day, I will donate the money to local food banks instead.

ANOTHER IMPORTANT NOTE: I don’t like rain, so if it is raining on any particular day I will donate any money collected to local food banks instead.

YET ANOTHER IMPORTANT NOTE: I don’t like sun or wind either, so if it is sunny or windy on any particular day I will donate any money collected to local food banks instead. I’m not fond of clouds either.

ONE FURTHER IMPORTANT NOTE: We should all be staying at home as much as possible at the moment to protect the NHS and save lives, and so if I think that there may be any people out and about in the United Kingdom at the same time as me on any particular day I will remain at home and donate any money collected to local food banks instead.

ONE MORE VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: If you actually think that I am giving that sh*t rag a single penny of this instead of donating the money to local food banks, you’re very much mistaken.

So he is really a good guy then?


Here for example is Simon’s list of “20 safe and natural alternatives to vaccinating your kids against measles” from April of last year …

1 Vaccinate
2 Your
3 Kids
4 You
5 Selfish
6 Essential Oil-Loving
7 Morons
8 Who
9 Probably
10 Think
11 Their
12 Talk Talk
13 Wi-Fi
14 Will
15 Kill
16 Them
17 All
18 While
19 They
20 Sleep

I do get it.

Simon’s GoFundMe campaigns are a unique way to rage against the insanity that prevails. Its taps into it all in a way that makes a positive difference.

Hat tip to Simon.

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