Weird News: “anti” masturbation dolphin arrested for public masturbation

Now here is a truly weird bit of news.

There is a Christian group that is rather eager to promote the idea that masturbation is evil, so much so, that they give talks to kids on the topic. Basically they have a guy dressed up as a Dolphin called Fappy who will turn up at the school to not only educate kids about the dangerous consequences of masturbation, but to also lecture them on the benefits of genetically modified foods. If that sounds weird, apparently the deal is that they got sponsored by the Monsanto Company to do this.

Their Facebook page is here.

In fact here is a recent update …


The latest News

The latest update on all this is that the guy who dresses up as Fappy was caught with his pants around his ankles, totally drunk, happily playing with the greasy pole … in public … so was arrested …

Portland, OR — In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour focusing on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation was arrested yesterday in Portland, Oregon for masturbating in public.

Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now spoke to reporters about the future of the tour after this recent setback. “Thanks to your tax dollars, Fappy® has helped thousands of adults and children live a masturbation-free lifestyle. Fappy® also collected thousands of signatures from children promising to never masturbate; he did great things,” Childs said. “It’s a shame how the media is portraying Fappy® right now. All the good that he’s done, all the lives he’s saved, all ruined by some ‘alleged’ public masturbation charge. I ask each and every one of you to keep Fappy® in your prayers until this nonsense is resolved.” Childs continued, “Until he is bonded out, Rubit® The Anti-Masturbation Rabbit will temporarily be taking his place on the school tour until we can get this mess sorted out. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.”

Fappy®, whose real identity is 34-year-old Arizona resident Paul Horner, told CNN by phone that he plans to make the most of his imprisonment. “I want to apologize to all my amazing fans out there, I love you all,” Horner said. “I will make the most of this bad situation. Jail is just a hotbed for self-rape and immoral acts. I plan to do everything in my power to stop the masturbation currently happening in this jail.”

Has a stunned silence kicked in yet or is that sound your jaw bouncing off the floor?

Now for a bit of Critical Thinking?

What is the source for this story?

It is superofficialnews, a satire site that involves a chap called Paul Horner in almost every single story, or in other words (if you are up to speed on such stuff), a well-known internet prankster – for example, he managed to convince the media recently that he was Banksy.

As you consumed the story, were you buying into the idea that it was real?

We can at the best of times be sucked in by stuff that is complete fiction and embrace it as fact, and that perhaps explains why there is so much nonsense floating about out there. Often we find something that basically tickles an emotional response inside our heads and so we simply share it and pass it on without giving it too much thought – net effect, your friends might indeed dismiss it as nonsense if they got it from a stranger, but the fact that they got it from you opens them up to accepting it as credible because you accepted it.

Apply Caution

It may be easy to dismiss stuff that does not align with you existing understanding, but what about stuff that does? Sharing can result in real harm.

For example,

Bottom Line

Be cautious about what you share, and ask yourself if it is actually true.

You might indeed be sure that it is, but what if you are wrong, what if it is not?


5 thoughts on “Weird News: “anti” masturbation dolphin arrested for public masturbation”

  1. You’re clearly not skeptical enough: source is not CBS News ( but rather “”. This is fake news, though admittedly hilarious.

  2. I recently had an encounter with this cult. They also practice polygamy, racial segregation, and brainwashing. I was offered chloroform to ease transport to their compound for “reprogramming”.


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