Comforting News About Our Departed Celebrities

This is a copy of a JREF SWIFT post that is here (Yes, I’m a JREF fan)

Written by James Randi
Friday, 25 February 2011 20:37

Yes, Sylvia Browne has yet another book out, one which she might even have written herself! There are certain magical aspects to it even when you first lay eyes on the cover. Sylvia has apparently undergone an enchanted transformation, losing at least 30 years!  The book is Afterlives of the Rich and Famous, and features several accounts of celebrities who’ve passed away, and what they’re up to in heaven. Wow!

You see, Sylvia’s “spirit guide” Francine communicates the messages of the deceased celebrities to her. Francine speaks with such luminaries as James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, and Michael Jackson. Browne recently explained such burning matters as the afterlife, where heaven is, exactly, and some heady predictions she has for the upcoming year. She even handled the question about those phony psychics who use the same techniques she does:

“Oh, please. Some of them play a guessing game. One “psychic” I saw got up there and was like, “Does anyone here drive a truck?” I was like, “C’mon!” That’s what we call a generalized cold reading, like when someone says they’re sensing the initial “D.” Or to say you’re going from darkness into light. It’s just nuts.”

How true. I was like, asking, you know, like, what a dumb, I mean, like, really dumb thing – you know, to do! But Sylvia also doesn’t much like, I mean like James Van Praagh. She was like:

“Van Praagh is the one that I have trouble with. He constantly wants validation. He’s always playing the guessing game. Nobody expects anyone to be 100 percent. Only God is.”

Sylvia explained how this new book came about:

“It was very strange. One night I was lying in bed and I was thinking about Clark Gable and his love affair with Carole Lombard. I asked my spirit guide Francine if they ever got together, and she said that they’re very much in love “over here.” When she says “over here,” she means the Other Side. They rowboat together, they walk together. Then I started asking about Michael Jackson, and that’s how it started. It was my own curiosity.”

Sylvia tells us the bare truth about heaven, that you shouldn’t picture a place with nothing but clouds, which will be a great relief to those who expect to be there. Me, I’ll have to dodge flaming sulfur balls…

“Or sitting on a cloud with a harp. That’s really stupid. In actuality, the afterlife is three feet above our ground level. People keep looking up to the sky, which isn’t correct. When people see “ghosts,” they always say they’re floating. They’re not actually floating, they’re walking on their own solid ground. It has libraries, it has record centers, it has concert halls, it has everything except the negativity.”

And, hopefully, Starbucks and Home Depots, as well, of course. Browne seems a bit “down” on skepticism, it seems. She dismisses anything like logic and/or rationality, for some reason:

“You know what? I don’t care. Everybody is skeptical on everything. Who cares? If you know, between you and God, that you’re doing the right thing, that your motives are pure, then who cares what anyone else says?”

Being unenlightened and not in regular, direct, communication with God as you are, some of us actually do care, Sylvia… Ah, but how about those celebrities and their adventures three feet above ground level? Sylvia tells us:

“[Michael Jackson] said that he was very maligned in this life, and he’s not holding any grudges. He feels a definite unfairness because they accused him of so many things. You’ve got to realize that he was like a [9-or-10-year-old in a man’s] body. He felt more at home with children than people his own age. He’s in a healthier body now. I can say that he probably never would have made it through those concerts he had planned before he died. He was sick. [Princess Diana] is thrilled [about Prince William getting engaged]. She thinks Kate is a wonderful person for William, because she has a tougher skin than she ever had. Di was very shy and everything hurt her feelings. I don’t think Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are going to last. They may make it through this year, but I think they’re pretty much doomed. I’m also concerned that Liz Taylor isn’t going to make it through this year. And you know what? I don’t know why they’re keeping Zsa Zsa Gabor alive. They had to remove her leg, she had a stroke, she doesn’t remember anything or anybody – I don’t believe in Kevorkian, but when it comes time, just let them go.”

Well! What a wealth of information and philosophy this woman shares with us, and I’m sure that her book has oodles of even more startling news. I can’t wait to snap it up. Or maybe I’ll just wait until it shows up in the next box of books contributed to the JREF Isaac Asimov Library. You see, publishers often send copies of such books to all public libraries to claim that these libraries feature them, but since many responsible libraries in the USA try to keep trashy material off their shelves, rather than offering that stuff at their next Unwanted Book Sale, they ship it to us to exhibit to those who consult with us.

Thus, we have a huge shelf of books attributed to Sylvia Browne… 

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